Jernee aka The Boss, aka The Little Monster, resting after a mid-afternoon walk. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

My mother came to stay with me from April 20, 2021, until April 24, 2021. The intent? To be here with me after my consultation and workup for keratoconus on April 22, 2021. I had been informed prior to the appointment by the nurse that I could have blurry vision for a few hours. My mother thought it best to be here so she could help with Jernee. …

Because I truly love this space. Another shot of my best friend’s plant therapy room. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Musical Selection: The Internet|Under Control

Ary by pLoKi via Pinterest

I tell him things can’t
get any worse and we
agree to tell her — we agree
to let her know we’ve been
watching her, dreaming about
her, and waiting for her
to pick one of us.

Creepy, though it may sound,
she was into it.
He had his reasons.
I had mine. We told her
all of them.

“Fifteen minutes. Just give
me fifteen minutes. That's
all I need to prove
I'm the better choice.”

I paced in front of her
awaiting her decision.
Surely, she'd see things
my way, but what happened
was just the opposite.

I stood…

On Saturday, May 1, 2021, Bless graduated from college, Summa cum laude, and I had the chance to watch it as it streamed live via YouTube. Images used with my kid sister’s permission.

I wanted to be there in person
but I embraced the fact that
a violent virus is still tagging
along on the backs of culprits
and drifting into the lungs of
thousands of human beings on
a daily basis, so I secured
my place in the comfort of
my home as I watched the
youngest of our tribe
cross over into the “real world.”

What an honor—the tears
that flowed down my face
as her name was called— watching
her stand to wave at the
camera as if to say, “Hello, world!
I’m ready. …


“Grampy, the plumbers are here to take a look at the busted pipes!”

Elijah yells toward the back of his grandparents’ shotgun house — screams loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

“You wanna give me my pipe? Yes, boy, that’ll be all right. It’s in the den on the coffee table.”

Elijah shakes his head and cautions the plumbers with his right hand and then directs them to the bathroom on the first floor which is where they will begin their work.

“No, Grampy! The pipes! The busted pipes from the storm. The plumbers are here to fix them!”

Photo by blocks via Unsplash

I celebrated my 41st at my best friend’s place in Charlotte, NC the weekend of the 16th and I truly enjoyed myself. To say that I was spoiled would be putting it lightly. As I was unable to ring in the milestone birthday of the 40th last year appropriately, (Hello, Coronavirus!), this year was spent around someone I love dearly safely in the confines of her home while devouring a delicious homecooked meal, a tequila shot, and a slice of the best ice cream cake this side of the northern South.

I asked for the company of a friend of…

Workspace/Blue light glasses|Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

My optometrist diagnosed me with keratoconus at just the right time. Per my ophthalmologist and corneal specialist at the Duke Eye Center, it’s mild in both eyes with no scarring and no advanced hazing. I have a six-month follow-up to assess my status at that time and to have additional corneal images taken. At the beginning of next year, I’ll be fitted for scleral contact lenses. These will help to reshape the corneas in both eyes and continue to enhance my vision over time. …

Some of the plants from my best friend’s plant therapy room. It’s truly a place of peace. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I feel nothing.
I'm supposed to feel
something . . .
Something is supposed to
hit me, shake me,
break me into
some semblance of
acceptance —
isn't it?

there's nothing there.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel relieved.
I want to celebrate like
the majority of this
world but I know
this is far from over.
The damage is done
and really, how do
we undo it?

Where can we start?
What needs to take place?
So many movements.
So many lives lost
and this one victory
tap-dances on our hearts
and it feels . . .
other-worldly — as if


Musical Selection: Lisa Loeb|Stay (I Missed You)

there's a good chance we're all
fighting some useless battle
syncing ourselves to a common
cause that will only erupt and leave
us without victory but we're too
stubborn to admit defeat especially
when we're still breathing

Jana says, "I ain't going back home
to the bullshit waiting for me."
and I understand, I connect with her
she makes perfect sense in
this land of the remaining living
she sweeps her face across the
vibrissae of her Calico, appropriately
named "Bubbles" and I wonder
what it feels like to still be
able to touch something that doesn't
drive you crazy

Photo Source

Mommy turns in front of the thingy that shows her back to herself. She flits in front of it and looks at her ankles, then her thighs, then she squishes her hands in front of her all funny-like and tries to look at her butt.

What is Mommy doing? I think to myself.

“Hey, sweet boy. Do these jeans make Mommy look fat?”

She swipes at my chin, then cups her hand under it gently and scratches in a circular motion. Even though this feels good — I know better. I’m not answering that question.

I look up at her…

Tre L. Loadholt

I am more than breath & bones. I am nectar in waiting—Editor PSILY •Writing for the cosmos. •

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