I think while you articulate what your purpose is eloquently, it may fall on a few deaf ears. I believe you can convey it with much more of an umph to it. I have read that umph in your other posts. And, with this, you totally need it because I know what you intend to do with it.
If it were not for the purposes of showcasing YOU, I’d say, let it stand, let it be. But, I feel like it needs more. Bad thing is, I do not know what. I just loved reading it.