Kaj, I cannot quite understand what you do and do not feel and it’s because I do not have the same problem, however, I can display concern and provide a listening ear. You provided a beautiful one-lined poem on Big Love. You presented a different view of it and this lets me know that you are aware of BIG LOVE as you stated what it requires, at this time, you do not believe you are able to provide it. No one is asking that of you here in this post w/in this one-line prompt. :) You can breathe a bit better knowing that.
What I love, what I will continue to love is your participation and writing when the subject matter does not seem to suit you as much as you think it should. I thank you for responding.