How a disagreement can strengthen a bond.
We had an argument. It began when I mentioned taking a break.
A break from something I cannot quite understand. Something I NEED to understand. And, the mention of that break must have meant that I was breaking from her.
Too Much Fire in One Room.
I witnessed a calm become a storm and my motherly ways yearned to smooth broken edges, brush a struggling soul, and nip all uneasiness in the bud. But, I could not stop the rage, the seconds of saltiness spewing listlessly at me. My hands could not cover the scary images, the turning back hands of time and me standing right where I was ten years ago.
IN FRONT OF A HURT FRIEND.
I do not know where the path took a wrong turn. I have no idea what led us here. I keep my shoes clean. It is important that I do not dirty up the tracks. She likes the fact that I am level-headed. I take two breaths before I speak. Often, I ponder what is being said; a language barrier is a hurdle I do not always clear, but I have no problem questioning the content.
“I believe it’s time I take a break. I need to figure out what is up with me. I need to find balance.”
“For how long?”
“A week, maybe two.”
“But, can’t you break without breaking? Can’t you stay without going?”
And, I noticed this is where we differ. I run away from things I do not care to confront. I hate preparing for an END. It never comes on time. And, I am rather punctual.
“I do not think that is the way THIS works. I will not be gone long. A week, maybe two.”
I believe in that instant that what she heard was,
“I am leaving you for a while. I need a break from you. I do not want to be around you for this time. I need to figure out how you are screwing up my brain.”
I think fault was what she wanted to find, in herself, from my tongue, except, I was not trying to pin fault on anyone but myself. This is how I work. I load everything heavy onto my back, haul it off in the midnight hours, and walk for miles until I lose every piece of me.
The Crumbling Effect.
We rested. Morning hours came. Daylight sung a new song.
“What happened? Why did that happen? Who angered whom?”
“I do not want to talk about the past. We are here now. There is no yesterday. Not in my book.”
And, since yesterday came and went. We have earned a deeper understanding for what makes us tick.
I, runner when times get too hard to console.
She, runner towards times that are too hard, doesn’t console them. Not until much later.
Best thing to happen to our friendship? Good vs Bad vs Downright Mean.
In the end, I have counted the number of times I thought about the entire thing today and I have settled on 15.
My lucky number.
Things are looking up.