The Particulars of “The Poop”

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*Sighs* I have a dog who is big on routine. If I try to sway her or break her from something that she is accustomed to doing on a daily basis, she’ll give me this look as if to say, “anything you do from this point forward will be futile.” For example: last year, for her 7th birthday, I purchased a new treat. It was doggy friendly chocolate with a peanut butter inside and some type of biscuit base for crunch. My Mom and I sang Happy Birthday and made this “big to-do” about the Little Monster marking off a new year.

We sang our hearts out too! Jernee stood there disenchanted and stared at the treat like I was dangling the most recently named plague in front of her. She stepped back from it, walked toward her water bowl, and drank some water instead. My Mom laughed. She thought it was the funniest thing on the planet, however, I was a bit perturbed because I’d spent close to $4.00 on that one treat and I’m what one would call “frugal.” No matter, I put the treat on the counter, broke out the Greenies and gave her one of those instead. SUCCESS! She was happy.

Jernee is very much the same way when it comes to the particulars of the poop. She is keen on just the right spot. If she doesn’t have the perfect place at the perfect time, she’ll call off the walk and we’ll end up heading home. No, I’m serious, folks. I’m not kidding. I’ve been outside with her in the pouring rain and she has been so close as in the hunched over stance and a person may slam a car door or walk by and shout “Hello!” & the Little Monster will pack it all in, straighten up, and walk away. “Wait?!?! WHAT?!?! I’ve been out here for twenty minutes and now you’re not interested in this spot anymore?!?!”

But, when she has the place in which to lay her burdens down, she dances a little jig. She’s very ritualistic with it. There’s this circling around said spot, then the stop & sniff to make sure said spot still smells the same, then circling around said spot again, and finally poop begins. Had I known there’d always be this much of a celebration for finding the perfect poop spot, I’d bring the celebratory hats, kazoos, & confetti. Alas, she’ll examine her work, step out of the way for me to pick it up, “that’s right human, do your job!,” then wait for me to dispose her timeless masterpiece into the nearest receptacle. And guess what?!?! The insane part is I do this everyday.

All this work for some sh*t… *Sighs*

Authors note: My dog Jernee is pictured above. I keep a running diary of sorts of our journeys together. Oddly enough, she’s the ruler of my Queendom, I just live there.

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I’m more than breath & bones, I’m nectar in waiting — Owner ACG •Editor PSILY •Writing for the cosmos. •

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