Somewhere off in the distance, someone plays Heart’s “These Dreams” on repeat.
At 3:00 a.m., you quickly scamper in, reminding me that it is time for a pee break. I am willed to move from the comfort of the sheets, the lingering of cold air whispers to my bones.
It is going to be a long night…
I do not remember the last time we met like this. It has been two weeks, maybe three? You used to come to me every night, now you are an occasional visitor, visiting only when it is convenient for you.
I do not mind this arrangement for it gives me time to properly file our past away the way I should. The way I need to.
How obtuse of you to invite yourself when I am at my most vulnerable. This is your way, though. You have always been… Conniving. I have always been welcoming. But, at this late hour, I do not want you here.
It is often stressful for me to revisit our time together, especially in dream form. I can see you, although faint with just a hint of a sly grin, you are my Mr. Grinch. I willfully become your Cindylu. I find myself opening every secretive place of my mind for you to gain entry. You do not waste any time. Here is where you have longed to be, again.
And, even though I make it to the bathroom for relief, you hang at my feet.
“Where are you going? We were just getting started.”
I ignore you. You are a voice in the devil hour that I refuse to hear.
“Let me in. Let me lose control in you.”
Again, I refuse to hear you. You are not a fan of this. I do love toying with you, making you flinch.
I scurry back to my bed, anxious to find warmth under the sheets, renew my frame of mind.
You ease back into bed with me too. Here, you remind me that dreams can never be my reality.
But, I am not so sure this is true.
Author’s note: I am the one playing Heart’s “These Dreams” on repeat.